**I LOVE A WOMAN TWICE MY AGE**

It’s September 10th, our first non-visual meeting. When I first met her, she was 21, having discontinued her studies. I still remember that day—I acted like a child just hearing her speak. When I first heard her voice, I fell in love completely. It felt like my heart synchronized with hers. A few weeks later, I saw her in person. Damn! She was even more beautiful than I had imagined. I knew right then—she was the one.

Now, it’s been 20 years since we first met. Time has flown by so quickly, and we’ve grown old together. Her name is Premaa, and she’s now 41 years old. Damn! Even her aging looks beautiful and make me wonder. She’s an amazing woman with a radiant smile that never fades. Every time she smiles, my heart fills with calmness. I know she loves me more than I love her. Her presence makes me feel strong. Whenever I’m with her, I feel like I can unload all my burdens, and she never hesitates to help carry them. She even makes my favorite soup, and somehow, all my troubles just seem to disappear.

She’s a married woman, and I know she loves me more than she loves her husband. Sometimes, I go straight from college to her home and share my day with her. The moment I see her, my worries vanish. I love the way she tousles my hair, and when I rest my head in her lap, it feels like home. She has always guided me, even in my studies. She’s done so much for me—sacrificed her career and her passions just to stay by my side.

Sometimes, I wonder why I fell for an random older woman. Why did fate bring us together? Why did I choose her? Is the theory of premortal existence real? I don’t know, but I love her more than anything. She’s my first love. We’ve been together for 20 years, and yet, I’ve never told her, “I love you.” It’s always been her actions, her unspoken expressions, and her unwavering efforts—regardless of my behavior—that spoke louder than words. How can someone love so selflessly, expecting nothing in return but my happiness? I’m grateful to her husband for allowing her to share her love with me. Even though I’m her second love, after her husband, I’ve always been her first priority.

Today is her birthday—November 10th. I’ve decided I’m going to express my feelings to her. I want to hug her and say:

“Thank you for being in my life - no, for bringing me into yours. How can I possibly measure your love, your sacrifices? There’s nothing I can give you in return that compares. I love you, Premaa... I love you, Pre'maa'. I love you, Amma! Thank you for being my first love!”

Yours beloved son,
Siddhartha (20 years old)