Sumati had just joined residency in radiation oncology department at the most prestigious hospital in India . She was proud of herself not entirely because of the glory brough upon her but for the pride she saw in her parents eyes when they heard their daughter will be pursuing an MD. They keep gloating about her in front of their relatives as she was the first doctor in her entire family. She was from a small town where ambitions of girls were limited to complete 12th and being a teacher and getting married. Most of her school friends were married by then where she was just at the starting line of her career. She wanted to help people and the idea of treating people diagnosed with cancer and giving relief or making the lives of their families better brought her immense satisfaction.She liked the idea of acually making a difference and contributing to the society which gave her life a purpose.
After the orientation they all began to their duties. She was used to slogging in the medical field by now. Getting up early 5am ,brushing teeth, taking her pen and stetho(two most imp things in residency) and heading for the morning opds with nothing more than drinking coffee on empty stomach. After settling in her chair she would breath in the few minutes of calm before chaos of patients, waiting in line, fighting for their turn, accusiing the poor facilities of govt hospitals, rush and noise in waiting area. Then she would head to ward to see her patients.
Two new patients were admitted that day. One 27 year old Lakhsy with esophageal cancer and another 9 year old sweet little boy named Uday with a mass on his femur. When she met uday, he was very cheerfull. He said "Doctor didi, aap kaise ho? Aap kitne duble ho. Aap khana nahi khate kya..? "
She said" Are ofcourse khaati hu. Bas gharse dur hu yaha ka khana pasand nahi aata aur ghar jaisa koi jabardasti nahi karta khane ke liye". He grasped the situtaion as if he was understanding what she was going through. Sumati would not talk to any other person liked she talked to Uday. There is no fear of judgement by this little one so she can pour out her honest feelings to him. There is so much freedom to speak with a child that it is while speaking with adults. She would not admit her weakness , or sadness to any other adult person. After meeting him she would always feel energised and free by his contagious energy. Despite being in pain, this little boy was still happy, never given up hope. This taught her to feel gratitude and make the best out of every situation.
There was another patient Lakshay. When she first met him in the opd , he was brought by his parents. He had been on treatment for many years now and his cancer was cured two years ago which now relapsed. He was a dull looking person as by looking at him one could clearly tell that he had given up hope. He would not have visited opd if not for his parents. He was admitted. In ward first thing he said was "Bas batado, kitna time bacha hai? Pehle se hi mann banake rakhta hu. Baadme gharwalo ko koi pareshaani na ho".
Sumati said " Agar treatment achhe se hua to hope hai. Thoda aappar bhi depend karta hai. Abhi thoda fight karlete hai, kyapata aage life bahut achhi ho". He replied "Abhi kya hoga , ek na ek din to jaana hi hai sabko, mai bas jaane se pehle idhar hospital ke chakkar kaat raha hu, Yahi farak hai. " She said "abhi thoda jaldi hai ye batane ke liye ek baar aapke recent scans aagaye tab pata chalega, lekin himmat mat haariye . Yahake doctors puri koshish karenge. Abhi aur fight bachi hai.aap akele nahi ho ,dekho hum sab aapke sath hai". With that she finished her rounds ensured his vitals and went off. At night she thought about the mindset of the patients. How do they feel after getting the news that one day they might die due to this tumour. How would their families be feeling with living with your loved one and always praying for their life not knowing for certain when can the disease be finally cured .
Some days pass by, Uday's tumor has shrunk to a very small size by radiotherapy so that surgeons have had decided to operate and if the surgery was a success he could be cancer free and they will go on living their lives. His parents were ecstatic when they delivered the news. By that time Uday had become a very close friend of Sumati. Everyday when she came to ward the sight of him made her cheerfull. She would laugh on his silly jokes and he would sometimes pull her hair. Before the day of surgery she giftes him a teddy bear and he said " Jab mai ghar jaunga tab aap hamare ghar aana. Meri mummy bht achha khaana banati hai, wo aapko khilayenge. " She had her eyes welled up at this little boy's innocence. It would be hard to not see him in the ward, she thought. She smiled and told him to rest through the night as tomorrow was the big day. She checked on lakshay . He was staring out the window. He told her his life would be better if he did not know. He would go on living his normal life unitll suddenly he would just die. It will be better as he had more life actually lived by him than getting admitted here. He was a software engineer before this about to get promoted. Now all those people below him have gone ahead of life and he is stuck. All his friends were too busy in their corporate lives to come visit him. She did not know what to respond to that as she knew it would do no good that she understand his situation when she havent expirienced what he is going through. She said " Muze pata hai kaisa lagta hai jab aapke dost aapse aage nikal jaate hai aur aap ek hi jagah pe fase ho. Lekin kuchh saalo baad samaz me aata hai ki wo aapka raasta tha hi nahi jaha log aage chale gaye. Aapka koi aur rasta tha. Sab log apne apne raasto pe chalte hai. Kuchh saalo baad shayad aappar bhi ye din aaye jaha aapko lage ki ye raasta chunke aap strong hue ho.mai dua karungi." Lakshay remembered this sentence of throughout his life with many years to come after.
Next day in the morning Uday's surgery was scheduled. She did not have time to meet him before as she had long line of patients waiting for her in opd. She complete her patients around 6:30 exhausted, she drank water, rested her head on the desk in what feels like forever.
After she went to ward , checked on some patients. Uday was not in the wardb, maybe in the recovery room she thought. She asked one of the sisters there how his surgery went. She looked at her and said sympathetically " There was a complication during a surgery, Uday lost a lot of blood , he is no more" There was a silence inside her. Perhaps the shock was not letting her to comprehend the situation. She kept staring at the sister. Sister said furthur " His parents are completing the paperwork for him ".she said with cold eyes " Oh.. Okay! "She had a blank expression altogether.
Lakshay had heard this. She was engaging herself in doing the work checking patient's files thinking " Uday was supposed to go home today, He was supposed to get on with his life ", measuring patient's vitals, " He was such a cheerfull boy. I saw him yesterday only he was very much alive, how can this day turned from being ecstatic to grief for his parents". She came to lakshay not making eye contact with anyone as she thought maybe one look can bring her to tears, she knew better than to cry in front of patients,or sisters, she is a professional doctor after all. She went quickly out of the ward. She turned right quickly beside the canteen towards one place she knew would be alone. A mandir with few benches for people to seat. There was noone at this time there . She quickly hurried not talking to anyone in her path as she was afraid she would show emotion. Once inside the mandir when she sat on one of the benches , she finally let her tears roll outwards and let herself sobs. Silent sobs muffled by her hands. She knew it would be difficult not seeing the boy in the ward after talking and laughing with him and infected by his contagious energy everyday, but she did not thought of this, of loosing a patient she cared for. She let her head down for some time and let tears flow on her face to the desk. After some time when she raised her head back up, there was a familiar figure sitting on the bench in front of her. It was none other than Lakshay. He said" I am sorry agar aapko akele rehna tha to. Lekin ye situation se deal karna koi aasaan baat nahi hai. Aap hamare saamne ek brave mukhota pehente ho, lekin aap bhi aakhir me ek insaan hi ho. Wo bachhe se aap kitne dino se attached ho gaye the. Dard to hota hi hai aise insaan ke jaane ke baad" She had even more tears now. The thing about crying is, well, you can control it when other person is not caring or even when other person is rude or angry at you. But when other person is caring and shows even slightest bit of concern, the tears stream out, raining cats and dogs, unable to control them.
He said " Mai sochta hu ki kya mere jaane ke baad mere gharwalo ke saath yahi hoga. Wo kaise karenge , kaise sambhalenge. Mai sochta hu ki jitna time hai unhe khush rakhu.. Ek ek din anmol hai unke sath. Mai chaahta hu aur roj prarthana karta hu ki wo apne life me aage badh jaaye , meri vajah se unki life bhi jeena na chhod de , i am sure Uday bhi yahi soch raha hoga aapko dekhke abhi".
She felt so surreal about this whole situation. Her own deceased patient comforting her after the death of her another patient, when it should be the other way around ,she thought. He reminded her about the hope she gave him some days ago. And said " Sab cheeze hamare haatho me nahi hoti hai. Lekin aapne apni puri koshish ki end tak, kitni sarahniya baat hai. Aapke maata pita ko bohot naaj hoga aappar , Doctor Didi".
Now she had a choking sound in her throat, and also how this patient is comforting her in a moment she used to thisnk of weakness. She would never let her emotions show or appear weak in front of her colleageues , her juniors or seniors and never patients, but this one who is fighting life and death is helping her in overcoming grief.
She thanked him , patted on his back, smiled at him, thanked him again for comforting her and told to talk to her in case he is facing any discomfort. They both returned to their respective places. Few months went by after this incidence. She was again busy in her life. Lakshay's tumor was significantly cleared out by doctors and was started on palliative medicine. He was discharged and dropped his corporate career and went on to become career counsellor helping many young people to shape their future., in which he got immense satisfaction and time for him to spend with his family. With palliative medicine , he was now living a quality and painfree life, his parents were satisfied and his opd visits brought immense satisfaction to Sumati.
Once after the opd Lakshay's mother waited for taking to Sumati. She said " Hume bete ne bataya ki kaise aapne usko fight karne ke liye hopes diya aur khudka naya raasta chunne ka courage diya. Wo pehle bhi itna cheerfull tha. Aur cancer clear hone ke baad to hum sab khush the , lekin jab wo dusri baar wapas aaya to usne puri ummeed chhod di thi. Thank u beta. Aap kabhi hamare ghar khaane pe jarur aana.. Hume pata hai aapko bohot kaam hai lekin kabhi time mile to jarur aana".

Sumati had heard previously that doctors dont earn enough money according to their work but instead they feed on patient satisfaction . She did not understand then that how doctors continue to do this work , sacrificing sleep, meals , everything for so little money and being satisfied but she understood now.
The joy of saving someone's life along with their whole family's life, the answer to their prayers , them looking at her like she was a holy god who came in their life and saved their son's life, this was euphoric. She was gratefull beyond imagination

She said with a smile "Thank you aunty, yahi to kaam hai hamara . Aap apna aur sabka khayaal rakhna aur kabhi wakt mila to jarur aaungi lunch par. Aap regular checkup karwaane laate rahiyega. " The lady smiled and went .
That day onwards Sumati was gratefull for choosing this noble profession as nothing ever could match the joy and satisfaction of this. She couldn't have experienced it anywhere else.

Thank you.